Contemplating the future

Hi guys, sorry for not writing more about calif0rnia or keeping you all up to date on the goings ons. It would seem that I find myself in a bit of a quandry as what exactly to do. Since I have been gone from the Peace Corps for an extended period of time and my end of service date rapidly approaches at december 15th, they are inviting me back only if I agree to another year, and that decision needs to be made in the next couple weeks.

I can't say that I find this an easy choice, there are many things pulling me in many directions. I have a wonderful fiancee' whom I utterly adore and if I stay than my goal for the next year will be to work towards studying at the Horticulture school in Santa Cruz, along with an oppertunity to potentially mexico to work on a comercial agriculture farm and learn about farm management.

In contrast there is Niger, my home, my mud hut and birthplace to all of these possibilities, but the real stipulation is that I never finished the work I was gaining ground on. I have spent better part of a 1 1/2 years studying, traveling, and most importantly learning new perspectives and gaining so many experiences. Then poof! I'm back in the states?

I'm looking for work and now in short game mode, thinking about the immediate future working menially to keep a float isn't what I feel particularly tailored for at this time. When I look at my paltry readjustment allowance I see it whittled away in a few short months despite how frugal I live, and the money I would use for the Horticulture program never used for its actual purpose.

What happens if i leave and come back, will i find myself in a different position financially I would have a couple more thousand anchored in a bank account if not invested. Maybe also with more time available I can devote it towards my next step after the Peace Corps. Only if given the opportunity for closure, maybe that would be enough, but another year? I know I would take away much more than the first two years, but after finishing my work, will I be better suited to move on, and more prepared for living in the United States?

It has been difficult to leave something so unfinished that has given me everything I could have asked from it, to leave my friends, animals, but also the many many projectrs I was working on. Niger for me has mostly been about the work, though a lot of other experiences have given me equal pleasure, it has been the greatest time of my life sharing these experiances with everyone along the way.

My perceptions have been that the more you see of the world and its diversity the more you will love it, and its sharing these experiences with others as I have grown that has fueled my desire to keep going and its this passion that calls me back.

If I don't return I won't see this as the end of an adventure, a definitely disappointing ending, but it isn't one that was made in vain or a disaster. Besides it can't rain all the time and the sun will surely shine anew. I feel to have enough passion to light my way for many lifetimes.

thanks for reading.