1-09-08 Smurfs Attack!!

10:10 AM

I am back lapping it up in luxury – oh, how I missed the sunny sands of Niger. The trip back across the pond was dreadfully long, but stopping off in Casablanca, Morrocco and sharing time with new people along the way made the trip even better.

Similar to my returning home and missing flights, I returned back to Niger in the same fashion and somehow missed my connecting flight from Atlanta to New York.

I don't know how, really, I don't get it.

Seriously I was there on time, my flight was on time, and my arrival gate was next to my departure one, and I WAS waiting at the gate. Yet I saw nobody enter the gate, no boarding call or anything and the plane still took off without me. The only way I could have missed my flight was during my 5 minute jog down to the restroom and grabbing some airport food and returning immediately.

I don't get it.

Now just between us I don't want any of you to think I am paranoid but perhaps there were more sinister parties involved. Recent evidence has emerged and I believe the culprits to be a crack team of mercenary smurfs whose ambition was to delay me, crawl into my luggage and then deploy their evil doing.

Okay I know what you’re thinking now….

Smurfs are cute, blue, diligent, and courteous, but still I don't trust them. For real people, let’s not forget they have been in a long standing war with Gargamel, and let’s not forget how crafty Handy Smurf is.

Plus, don't you think perhaps Papa Smurf just looks a little too much like a terrorist?

So moving on, I am back in Niamey, jet lag has hit me terribly, once again part of the evil smurf scheme. Somehow after my slumber I awoke to find that my resources had been whittled down.

Where are my reserve stocks of American candy, supplies, but most importantly, bourbon?

But I don't want to sound paranoid.

I can't help it though, anytime now I feel the slight bit tired, BAM! Like a door slamming I'm out.

Can you believe I was thrown out of a bar because they thought I was drunk!! ….bastards!!!

It was smurfs I tell you!!! SMURFS!!!!

Just kidding. Actually not kicked out of bar, but not about the smurfs

You just can't joke about that lot of folk, they are evil doers down to their little blue bones.

Despite the smurf meddling, my time back in Niger has been getting back to normal.

Slow and steady, just the speed I like it.

Yet despite my inability to adjust to Niger time yet, somehow everything seems to be quite right.

I have been playing mando, surfing on my cool new laptop, and reading my new farming and agriculture books, even managed to squeeze a jam session with a famous Nigerien musician.

So why haven't I left Niamey yet?

Glad you asked.

Smurf Meddling I tell you.

Know the Mercenary intentions of the crack team of Smurf assassins have struck.

Last night a land mine exploded in a residential neighborhood in Niamey, killing a director of a public radio station along with his wife. Naturally the Toureg resistance group (MNJ) is denying all responsibilities for this occurrence, along with all the other recent wave of landmines striking the country. Naturally most seem to believe this, except for the Nigerien government, and most likely ours as well.

Really the worst of it for us was that for a day we were not allowed to leave the hostel, and then not allowed to ride in taxis for a day or two.

But don't any of you worry we are all doing well, safe and on lock down…....again.

Thankfully the criminal investigators never came to ask me, I fear the repercussions too terrible to think or mention, but you know what I think. It was, without a doubt, the same crack team of mercenary Smurfs that hoodwinked me in Atlanta. They are the ones to blame for this new wave of violence.

How do I know?

The escalation of this proxy war has been small scale.

There you go, simple logic once again prevails.

Do you think it could have been the time zone changes? Dunno.